She Does
by AminalLuv
Summary: Logan reflects on the relationship he had with Rory on her special day. ONESHOT, SONGFIC


**Title: She Does**

**Summary: The phrase "I do" traveling through my ears into my head and down my spine sending shock waves to my heart. How could two little words hurt so much?**

**AN: Rory and Logan brokke things off in "But I'm a Gilmore." The song is "Champagne High" by Sister Hazel**

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_I wasn't looking for a lifetime with you  
And I never thought it would hurt just to hear  
"I do" and "I do"  
And I do a number on myself  
And all that I thought to be  
And you'll be the one  
That just left me undone  
By my own, hesitation _

She cuts the first slice of cake and I watch as he playfully shoves a piece in her face. Her whole body shakes with laughter, though the sound is drowned out by the handful of dough in her mouth. Her lips are covered with frosting and she looks good enough to eat; apparently he feels the same way as he leans in and kisses the icing off of her. She steps back and wipes the crumbs off her elegant white dress. White; she chose to wear it from head to toe and though I know from experience that she is no virgin, it is still appropriate for her; her innocence defines her, makes her stand out.

I think back over the past few hours. I think back to that moment in the church when she promised herself to him for as long as they both shall live. The phrase "I do" traveling through my ears into my head and down my spine sending shock waves to my heart. How could two little words hurt so much? And still, I know it's my own fault, my own inability to give myself over- mind, body, and soul- to another person. I wonder if I will ever be able to now, or if she was the one.

_and for the million hours that we were  
well I'll smile and remember it all  
then I'll turn and go  
while your story's completed mine is a long way from done. _

I think back over the times we spent together. Through the myriad of girls that traipsed through my life- before, during, and after- she was the only one that I truly enjoyed spending time with; in bed and out. Perhaps it was because I had to work so hard to get her, perhaps it was because she was so easily provoked and I loved to get her angry, perhaps it was because she was the only girl I have ever dated who dared to have an opinion of her own- even if that opinion was that she hated me.

I'd like to be able to honestly say that I can remember the first time I met her, but I can't. I guess that's what made our second encounter so unforgettable. The way she berated me for talking down to her friend was intriguing to say the least. I don't think any one else had ever spoken to me like that except my father and my grandfather. I loved that for once, someone was willing to put me in my place.

Our first kiss was extraordinary. Shy, demure, unassured Rory Gilmore made the first move. I tried to avoid it, I wanted to protect her from myself, but she knew what she wanted and for some inexplicable reason, she wanted me. When she dragged me off to that dressing room at her grandparent's wedding I was helpless to stop her.

Then there was the first night we slept together. I was sure she'd hate me forever for the way things went down at that Chinese restaurant. I tried my hardest to be amiable to the bartender but my idiot friends were determined to make his time with us miserable. I thought she would blame me, but when I went after her later that night she was more than happy to see me. I think that was the first time I spent the entire night at a girl's place but I just couldn't leave her. After she had fallen asleep I watched the steady, rhythmic rise and fall of her chest until I drifted off into a blissful dream where I carried on with the events that had landed me in her bed in the first place.

When she showed up at Finn's birthday party with Robert I knew I was in trouble. I don't think I'd ever experience jealousy of that nature before. I was falling for her. It was a free fall and I wasn't sure if anyone would be there to catch me when I reached the ground. I tried to take her away, to show her how much I wanted to be with her in the only way I knew how, but she spurned my advances. I had finally experienced rejection and it was just as awful as I'd suspected.

And then it all came to an end. I had been right to worry about falling; I landed with a splat. Sure there were people there to help me up; Colin, Finn, Honor. And eventually they succeeded and I moved on with my life but from then on, I moved with a persistent limp. She had affected me in a way no one else ever had and I doubt the imprint of her presence will ever be wiped away.

I'll sit here for a little longer, making one last memory to tuck away into that corner of my brain reserved for her. Then it will be over, a memory is all Rory Gilmore will be, in name and presence.

_Well I'm on a champagne high  
Where will I be when I stop wondering why  
On a champagne high  
I'd toast to the future but that'd be a lie  
On a champagne high, high _

I take a draught of the champagne sitting before me. It's a drink of celebration, of toasting to new beginnings and through the haze of alcohol that assaults my brain, I wonder if this day can represent a new beginning for me as well, but the part of me that can see through the libations knows that I'm not quite there yet.

I don't know what possess me to do it, but I suddenly find myself clinking the rim of my champagne glass with my spoon. In no time at all the room is abuzz with the sound of silver on crystal. I look up as she leans in to her husband for a kiss and when she pulls back the smile on her face takes my breath away. She is beautiful, even more so than I remember her being back in school. It is probably due to the unadulterated joy radiating off of her. She is incandescent. She never looked that way when we were together. I wonder if I could have made her happy like that if I had not succumb to my fears that day; if I had given her what she refused to ask for but what I knew she wanted.

Spring turned to summer  
But then winter turned to mean  
The distance seemed right  
At the time it was best - to leave

Being with her had been amazing. The best months of my life, without a doubt. We were still young and carefree and possibly even in love despite the fact that we weren't even exclusive. As our relationship blossomed things became more complicated. The strings we had tried so hard to banish from our worlds were fighting their way in. I didn't know what to do with them, they were confining. So when she decided to cut the ties that bind, I agreed. I took the freedom she offered me and ran with it. And now, though it is years later, I find myself lost; wishing I could be tied to her once again.

_And to leave behind  
What I once thought was fine And so real - to me  
And while I'm still gone  
On the quest for my song  
I'm at your - celebration  
_

She had offered me something when she left; she had offered me her friendship but I didn't take her up on it. The words "let's be friends" were a joke, even more so than in most ending relationships. We were never friends, though the term friends with benefits aptly fit the arrangement we'd agreed to. So despite the words that were coming out of her mouth, I knew the truth, if we ended what we had going on, we'd end everything between us. I couldn't stop it though. I hadn't expected to fall for her and I wasn't ready to accept it.

And now she sits at another man's side. It is her day, her celebration and I wish I could be happy for her but I'm not sure if I can do that when I have yet to find happiness of my own. I wonder how I can be so selfish, it's my own fault that I'm not the one sitting up there with her, it's my own fault that I never found love.

_  
Your wagons been hitched to a star  
Well now he'll be your thing that's new  
Yeah what little I have you can borrow  
'Cause I'm old and I'm blue...  
_

She's married now and I sit in the corner of the room, her someone old, watching her dance with her someone new. I know she is probably wearing something blue somewhere but she doesn't even need it, her eyes sparkle like flawless sapphires. And even if they didn't, I would lend her my soul, for it is blue through and through.

I wish I could cut in on her dance but I don't have the strength. I push back my chair and walk towards the exit. I stop briefly in front of a table, piled high with presents and remove a small, unmarked box from my pocket, dropping it on top. I chance one more backwards glance at the happy couple and see the total look of contentment as she rests her head on his shoulder and they sway to the music before I walk away from the wedding, completely alone.

_  
and for the million hours that we were  
well I'll smile and remember it all  
then I'll turn and go  
while your story's completed mine is a long way from done. _

Well I'm on a champagne high (so high)  
Where will I be when I stop wondering why  
On a champagne high (so high)  
Toast to the future but that'd be a lie  
On a champagne high  
Where will I be when I stop wondering why  
On a champagne high... high...  
So high so high you left me undone  
so high, so high you left me undone...

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